At age 23, after a disastrous drug dropping year in London, I hightailed it back home to Cape Town. I knew I was in big trouble. I was using drugs every day and binging and purging each day before I got high. Heading home, back to Cape Town, was my way of saying, "enough! - I need help". At home I continued with my long time use of diet pills as a way to not eat. However, at this point, not even those stopped me from the mad cycle. God, in his grace, arranged my circumstances so that I could live in the home of a wonderful Christian family who took me in for a number of years. And and so began my 19 year long journey of recovery.
Today I am 42 and although I am (obviously) not the same person I was back then (I haven't binged to purge for many years and my self image is healed), I am still living with the tail end of the disease in the form of a severe sugar addiction. I am controlled by my desire for sugar. I therefore live under the constant side effects of consistent sugar intake, such as a foggy mind, fatigue, forgetfulness and what I like to call "being boxed in". Being boxed in, is the feeling of physical and mental limitations which is the effect of consistent sugar intake on my body and mind. It limits my thinking and my dreaming for the future. It limits my abilities and my desires. It impacts my self confidence. It basically boxes me in and keeps me from really living. It makes my days about managing my fatigue, the fatigue robs me of confidence which leads to under performance. Sugar also breaks down my self-control with other foods. When I've had sugar, I want starch - and so on, and so on.
About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Adrenal Burnout. Sugar was a big no no after that and you would think I would get it together and give it up. If only it were that easy. I have tried to come off sugar many times but my efforts have always ended in failure hard! I've given up drugs and cigarettes and let me tell you, this one's worse.
And so here I am, having just embarked upon a 1 month detox of sugar and alcohol. I was inspired by this video below of a Dutch guy who gives up sugar and alcohol for a month. I marvelled at how effective this video was at inspiring me to make changes and do better. This guy isn't coming from the perspective of someone for whom sugar or overeating is a problem, but his video inspired me anyway. I would be delighted if this blog gave some women out there (even just 1) who struggles the way I do, the strength and motivation to make the same changes - to change her norm.
My dysfunctional affair with sugar is affecting most areas of my life. Because sugar leads to over eating on other foods, my marriage and career are being impacted too. If you think I'm being a little dramatic here, you speak to women who have eaten too much and so feel unattractive and avoid the advances of their husbands. Speak to women who feel too fatigued to have a little fun with their kids or too unattractive to hop in the pool for a cool off in summer. For me, the crash I get after enjoying my sugar high effects the way I think and my belief in my abilities to perform in my job and most other challenges. I need to break free from this box - I need a new norm.
How inspired I was by this lady - Soozi Dinnie. Take a listen to her testimony and then tell me it's too hard to give up sugar and take back my life. I love what she says: THIS IS MY NEW NORM - deal with it.
Soozi's Story
This problem of mine seems so insignificant when I listen to Soozi's story. Now that's a problem - in comparison, my little sugar addiction seems silly. But you know what? I almost feel I owe it to people like Soozi to do the things I know I need to do, without any more excuses. If she can face her life with the determination and positive attitude she has, then darnit! - I can suffer through the temporary discomfort of detoxing from sugar and make a new "no sugar" norm for myself.
So yesterday was Day 1 for me. Much of the day I was in denial. I kept thinking - what the heck are you doing? Just stop it! I felt almost panicked and I knew that if I was going to make a success of this, I needed to be accountable. I met with my husband and daughter to tell them what I had planned. My daughter rolled her eyes and my husband encouraged me to write a blog. "It's harder to quit something when people are following you", - wise words from my supportive husband. Today I sent out a WhatsApp to friends and family informing them of my choice. At least now when we're together they can help keep an eye on me! I'm not too proud to admit I need as many eyes on me as possible.
Another obvious side effect of too much sugar, is the inevitable weight gain. When Andrew and I married in 2009, I weighed 64 happy kgs.
It's a nice weight for me. I liked it - I was content. Yesterday, I went back to gym for the first time in too long, and in the spirit of full disclosure, just have a look at what I discovered...
The great thing about having my emotions and self image healed over the years is that this extra weight doesn't control me. 20 years ago I would probably not leave the house and avoid seeing any people. Today, it's just a few extra kgs.
Go Baby you can do it !
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